Marked and Corrected IELTS Task 2 Writing Question: Crime

I would like to thank the student, Sabina Khadka, for giving me permission to use it for the benefit of others visiting our website.

The question and Sabina’s unmarked response is presented and this is followed by our assessor’s marked and corrected version.

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Question

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should  always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

Student’s Answer

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should  always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

It is sadly true that more and more offenses are committing by people in different parts of the world. It has always been debatable whether a criminal should get fixed punishment or circumstances need to be considered before a certain punishment is given. In this essay both sides of the arguments will be discussed.

On one hand, there is a school of thought that punishment should be fixed for any criminals. The main reason for believing this is to maintain social stability. People are less likely to commit a crime if they knew that they would be sentenced for a certain period of time or lifelong depending on the seriousness of the crime. Another compelling reason is that it would have deterrent effect to the society. A particularly good example here is comparatively peaceful environment in some parts of the world due to having capital punishment.

On other hand, it is sometimes suggested that circumstances and motivation need to be measured before penalize people. People hold this opinion, because there are some situations where they have to protect themselves from a criminal and some are killed during encounter. An additional point would be it is not realistic to compare a person who commit serious offense such as murder with a person who just carry out petty crime like pick pocketing and shoplifting. Thirdly, there is strong likelihood of becoming repeated offender if people are given serious punishment just for minor offence which would have negative impact to the society.

Putting what I have been  discussing in a nutshell, giving same punishment in  all categories of crime have  both advantages and disadvantages .However, I believe that it would be better for the nation if government could make certain policy which include just warning in the beginning for petty crime.

Corrected Version

Note: Grammar errors in the student’s answer are marked in red.

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime.  Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should  always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

It is sadly true that more and more offenses are being committed by people in different parts of the world. It has always been debatable whether a criminal should get a fixed punishment or circumstances need to be considered before a certain punishment is given. In this essay both sides of the arguments will be discussed. (EXCELLENT)

On the one hand, there is a school of thought (GOOD) that punishment should be fixed for any criminals. The main reason for believing this (GOOD) is (GOOD) to maintain social stability. People would be less likely to commit a crime if they knew that they would be sentenced for a certain period of time or lifelong depending on the seriousness of the crime. (GOOD) Another compelling reason (GOOD) is that it would have deterrent effect to the society (GOOD). A particularly good example here is where there exists a comparatively peaceful environment in some parts of the world due to having capital punishment. (GOOD)

On the other hand, it is sometimes suggested that circumstances and motivation need to be measured before penalizing people. People hold this opinion, because there are some situations where (GOOD) they have to protect themselves from a criminal and some are killed during these encounters. An additional point (GOOD) would be that it is not realistic to compare a person who commits a serious offense such as murder with a person who just carries out petty crime like pick pocketing and shoplifting. Thirdly, there is strong likelihood of becoming a repeat offender if people are given a serious punishment just for minor offence which would have negative impact to the society.

Putting what I have been  discussing in a nutshell, giving the same punishment in  all categories of crime has  both advantages and disadvantages. However, I believe that it would be better for the nation if the government could make certain policy which include just warning in the beginning for petty crime. (EXCELLENT/LOTS OF NATURAL EXPRESSIONS AND GOOD GRAMMAR-7.5 MAYBE 8)

 Thank you, once again, to Sabina for allowing me to share her work with you and for allowing us to assess it publicly.

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